


My Immortal

by dreamyloner



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers, Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, M/M, Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-05-02
Packaged: 2018-06-05 00:12:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,519
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6681679
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamyloner/pseuds/dreamyloner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emil, a peasant boy, was there when the Wall of Clubs got breached by the titanic feet. Leon, a forsaken prince, was with him to watch the Kingdom of Luck fall into ruins. They both lost their loved ones. And they both joined the army to avenge for their loss. In life and in death, their vow remained. </p><p>Crossover with Attack on Titans. Cardverse Kingdoms.</p><p>Pairings: HongIce (main). DenNor. RoChu. IggyChu. Hinted FrUK. BelLiet (ch.5). PruCan.<br/>Disclaimer: I own nothing but the silly plot.<br/>Warning: angst, fluffs, multiple POVs, character deaths, lots of plot twists :P</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Emil watched the bricks they claimed to be as powerful as bedrock crumble down upon the massive impact of the titanic feet.

He could not spare a single second to squeal or wail.

Blood splattered like petals of crimson roses.

They pelted down like hails and rain, drenching the deranged humanity in rivers of revolting liquid.

Shrieks echoed. He watched people flee and dodge, clinging to their loved ones as they cried for their life.

The ground quaked violently. Rumbles scattered and danced in the air.

The sky rumbled. It was weeping.

And the silver-haired boy eventually blurted out a heart-wrenching cry as his knees collided with the floor.

"Don't just stand there, Emil! Run! Run!"

Emil shuddered and stared hollowly at his brother.

The uniformed soldier landed on the roof agilely and grabbed his sibling's wrist, hauling him forward as fast as his strength could afford.

The ten-year-old continued whimpering.

It was real.

Everything was as real as could be.

Lukas clasped his hand tightly and refused to let go.

He couldn't catch up with the pace. He didn't know what to do. He saw a titan snatch a woman from the street, crack open her bones and snap her body into half before gobbling it up in one go. He feared they would be the next targets.

"The Wall of Clubs is down!" Someone yelled. "They're coming after us! So many of them! Run!"

And then, it happened.

They almost reached their destination. They almost got inside the abandoned school building, but he tripped.

"Emil!"

His knees landed first, scraped by the rough concrete floor. He let out an agonising whine.

"Watch out!" One of the soldiers swishing by yelled.

"Damn it!" Lukas yanked his brother up and tossed him in through the window.

"No!" Emil screeched, watching as the monstrous hand squished his brother's ankle and towed him off the ground. Lukas drew his gun deftly and fired, aiming right at the eye. Another pistol was triggered, followed by a slash. The creature collapsed with an ear-splitting thud.

"You two alright?" Mathias asked, his face twisted in angst.

Lukas merely nodded and picked up Emil. They scrambled downstairs and dashed into the depth of the building.

"Stay here and don't move." Lukas ordered, gingerly hiding his brother inside the murky storeroom and slammed the door.

"Lukas!" Mathias' voice echoed down the hallway. The ground quavered with the intrusion.

Lukas stared in horror at his mate being captured by those beasts.

"Emil, listen to me carefully. I've to go help Mathias. You stay here. Don't move, okay? Don't make a sound. Don't ever move an inch. Stay still. I'll be right back." Lukas repeated, his eyes brimming with tears as he shut the door firmly.

"No!" Emil sniveled. "Please don't leave me alone!"

But his brother was nowhere to be seen.

* * *

Tears cascaded down his face as Leon ran and ran.

His legs ached.

His arms were scraped by broken glass shards.

Blood kept oozing out of his gashes.

But he couldn't stop. He didn't dare to.

His ** _brother_** had told him specifically to run at all cost; run until he could see safety on the other side.

The last thing he saw; was his mother's blood-drenched face as she shoved him out of a collapsing roof and his **_brother_** 's gallant shadow as he defended him, buying him a golden opportunity to flee.

He shuffled down the hallway, his heart thumping with every trembling step he took.

The wars raged on. They never ceased.

His tears had long dried. He couldn't make out what was real and what was delusional.

They had promised that the holy wall would never fall.

They had lived in peace and prosperity within the walls for decades.

One unexpected attack though was sufficient to plunge the entire kingdom in ruins.

Sobs reverberated in his ears. He wasn't sure if those belonged to him.

They grew louder and louder. They were the cries of melancholy; the cries of forfeiture; the cries of sheer fear.

"哥…哥哥…" He called out to his **_brother_** but never got a response. "媽…" He winced at the thought of his mother trapped underneath the falling debris.

His father had promised to rescue them. He had told them he would be there and everything would be alright.

But no…

He never did appear.

The sobbing noise drew nearer. Leon stumbled exhaustedly and sneaked into a forsaken room. The place was dark. The curtains were drawn. He could hide here for the time being.

"L-Lukas…"

Now the weeps were emanating out of the tiny storeroom; of which he was certain, unless of course the ear-piercing blasts had deafened him.

He flung open the door and gasped at the light-haired boy around his age. The boy yelped and cowered in one corner.

Leon didn't know what to do.

Neither did Emil.

"Where's brother?" Emil asked the raven-haired Asian.

"Leon!" An accented voice bawled from behind. The door was booted open and in darted a man in military uniform, mostly likely still in his adolescence.

"哥…" Tears flooded his eyes as his brother pulled him into an embrace.

"Thank goodness!" The Chinese soldier cried, tightening his grip around the boy in relief. "I thought I lost you."

"Comrade, we need to go now!" A voice in thick Russian accent shouted.

"Let's go, Leon."

"W-Wait!" Leon yapped and tuggeed his brother's sleeves. "We need to get him out of here too!"

He pointed to the Scandinavian boy crouching inside the storeroom.

"Come with us! Quick!"

Leon held out his hand to the shivering boy.

"But brother said-"

"We'll find your brother! I promise!" Leon cried and pulled the other boy up instantly.

And they evaded the wrecked building just before it collapsed.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Emil Steilsson's Journal_ **

**Entry#1   15.8.2250     22:45**

The year is 2250.

The wars rage on.

My name is Emil Steilsson. I am sixteen and a graduate of the 94th Training Corps.

The world I live in is a putrefying planet awaiting its doom. It is engulfed in incessant chaos and fiery flame. Approximately a century ago, mankind shoved its race to the brink of extinction with their voracity. Gigantic mutants by the name of Titans were bred as bio-weapons in the everlasting battles between the East and the West. In the end, our globe crumbled down as these monstrous savages sabotaged and seized our land. Population dwindled drastically to a miserable amount. The victory we once fought gallantly for was now in the hands of our very own hideous inventions. Realisation came too late. Our world was devoured and captured by millions of Titans. Colossal walls were constructed to shield and protect the surviving race from the menacing global hysteria. These walls defending the remaining four kingdoms are respectively named as; Spades, Hearts, Diamonds and Clubs.

I was born and raised in the Kingdom of Clubs. The realm itself symbolises luck and work. I grew up in a ragged village no one would remember. Life was arduous and unfair, for this society functions in an extremely hierarchical order. We were ranked the working class, the kind destined to devote our entire life to serving the middle ones. We were also placed closest to the Wall. Ever since Titans started roaming our planet, the four holy walls have been built in a spiral manner. The outermost one is the Wall of Clubs, followed by the Wall of Diamonds that defends the kingdom of wealth and beauty. Next comes the Wall of Hearts that envelops the kingdom of love and bliss. Eventually the Wall of Spades lies within the core, protecting the most powerful and affluent Kingdom of Spades where only the wisest and the fittest occupy. It is not hard to deduce from such arrangement that the ones nearer to the Wall are the first potential group to sacrifice. If you ask me, luck, as it seems, has never been on our side. Our kingdom was ruined five years ago, on that fateful day, when an exceptionally huge titan cracked a hole in our wall, leading hundreds of its fellow creatures into our land. We forfeited everything, everything essential to bind us together. Our people fled to the neighboring kingdom and were forced to seek shelter from the **Diamonds***.

My parents died shortly after I came to this world. They succumbed to an infectious disease that attacked the rural areas. My brother and I were left to fend for ourselves. Lukas is older than me by ten years. He became a soldier when he was fifteen, in an attempt to sustain our lives with the pension and funds he received. I never thought letting him join the military that day would leave me forever in remorse. I would have chased after him, stopped him and told him it was alright to starve to death together rather than to watch him risk his precious life against those callous monsters.

I was saved miraculously when the wall broke down.

When I thought I would have died and ended up in a Titan's stomach, I survived.

But I lost him.

I lost my brother.

And I could never forgive myself for that because he traded away his life for me.

Now, Lukas will never be able to wake up, or so the doctor said.

But I still believe that he will open his eyes one day. Until then, I've pledged to become a stronger guardian and protect him in return. I will avenge for him and wipe those monsters out in a flash.

This is not a matter of life or death.

This is a matter of honour. Of deed. Of virtues.

Leon probably thinks the same. He is my best friend by the way. Or should I say…my partial saviour. The day I decided to take his hand and follow him out of that wrecked school building, I knew it was fate that brought us together. However horrendous it might sound, we actually met in the most gruesome circumstances. Perhaps there was a reason for it to happen.

Unlike me, Leon is a royal descendent. He's also an Asian. He comes from the Kingdom of Spades and carries the noble blood with him. He's never revealed much about his past, but he's mentioned his parents a couple of times. His father is one of the many sons of Queen Britannia (the ultimate ruler of the current world). He was originally betrothed to a princess from the Kingdom of Diamond but chose to re-marry a young maiden from the Asian lineage afterwards. The secret marriage was never approved, so Leon's always been an illegitimate love child and a scandal of the royal family. His mother died protecting him five years ago. After the incident, he was taken in and brought up by Wang Yao, the only intimate family member I know that he now clings to. He calls Yao 'brother', though he isn't really his brother to be honest. The man is his mother's youngest sibling. He is the one who saved Leon from the Titans and also the person Leon respects and admires more than anyone else. I guess he's also the reason why Leon joined the squad in the first place.

Today, we finally received graduation certificate. I have been waiting for this day with an aching heart. It's been three years- three damn years of strenuous and inhuman training. I came to rank fifth. Leon, of course, with the intelligent brain of a typical **Spade*** , managed to score third. The first goes to an incredibly obnoxious and conceited classmate of ours named Alfred. He just so happens to be Leon's half-brother. His twin brother, who is eerily timid and subservient, came second. What's his name again? Mattie? Matt? Mars? Ah, never mind…

I really don't know how they deal with their tarnished brotherhood. Needless to say, placing the three next to each other was kinda catastrophic, if anyone even bothered to notice. Let's just not mention that the commander who hosted our ceremony was Arthur Kirkland- Leon's biological father.

"Five years ago, those monstrous creatures captured our land and shattered our hope. They obliterated and seized a massive proportion of our cities, threatening to claim more and wipe out the entire humanity. The Wall of Clubs has crumbled down. For almost a century, titans have been tormenting us. It is time we call for actions. We have all learnt our lesson and we shall allow no such atrocities to happen ever again, which is why, you, here, have been chosen as elites of the elites to fight for justice and avenge for our race. We shall re-claim what used to belong to us and exterminate those bloody monsters! Do you HEAR me, you are all trained to achieve success for the mankind! We tolerate zero failures and reluctance. It is either us or those bloody titans! Now tell me, are you willing to fight for our country? Are you willing to sacrifice for the sake of humanity? Are you willing to slaughter every one of those bastards out there?"

"YES, SIR."

"Hail the conquering hero!" Alfred blurted out. "Let's save the world and kick some ass! Show those bastards who's the boss, hell yeah!"

"SILENCE!" Commander Kirkland hollered and glared at his blonde-haired son. "One more word from you, I swear you aren't going to have your bloody dinner tonight."

"Oh man, that totally sucks."

"FIFTY LAPS."

"But-"

"NOW!"

"Fine!" Alfred rolled his eyes and started running.

If you ask me, we have been ready to die from the day we signed up to the military. It is pretty much like death sentence. For some, it is doom. For some, it is hope. I am inclined to believe in both. I don't care if I am going to die.

I took a swift glimpse of Leon. He peeked back. Expressionless as usual. I couldn't tell what he was thinking. On the contrary, he always seems to see through mine.

"LEON WANG, do I have to repeat myself again we tolerate no disruptive behaviour in this army? DO NOT STARE AT YOUR CLASSMATE WHILE I AM SPEAKING!" Commander Kirkland bawled. Basically, I could see steam coming off his head. I felt a sudden pang of guilt as he started scolding Leon. 

"Fifty laps. Now." Commander Kirkland bellowed. Why would he go that harsh with his own son? It's not like Leon really gives a damn though. He shrugged and scooted off to finish his laps.

I know Commander Kirkland has never fancied the idea of having his children join the military. He has been pulling a few tricks to try to kick them out of the army. Unfortunately, it seems neither Alfred nor Leon has the heart to listen to him and now they both end up as members of the Survey Corps.

When the ceremony ended, most of the trainees trotted off to grab their dinner. I waited for Leon to finish jogging around the court. He and Alfred got along with each other pretty well. They were even chatting like buddies.

To be honest, I felt terrible always being the culprit of Leon's problems. Sometimes, I even wonder why he would hang out with me in the first place, because for all I know, I'm simply an omen. Nothing good has ever happened to me and those surrounding me. My lack of luck has always influenced others in one way or another. I learnt to become a recluse already when I was a kid. It's simpler that way. If I have to avoid trouble, I will just have to avoid getting in touch with people.

"Yo. What's this now?" He smirked. I decided to join them in the running. "Guilty?"

"Shut up." Even though there were only a few laps left, I thought it might feel a little bit better if we all sprinted together.

Alfred was cracking some silly. And I absolutely didn't find them hilarious. Leon thought otherwise.

"Don't worry, Ice. It's not like this is the first time you got me in this kind of shit." He laughed.

"I told you to stop calling me that nickname! I hate it!" I tried to keep up with him. 

"Ten pork buns and fifteen dumplings." He grinned.

"WHAT?"

"Your treat tonight." He winked at me before kissing my cheek. "See ya later, Icey." He blew a kiss at me and started running towards the main building.

It took me almost a whole damn minute to react.

"So you guys are…like gay?"

"Oh shut it!" My cheeks burned.

"Stop right there LEON WANG! You goddamn BASTARD! I'm gonna kill you!"

As I chased after my sneaky friend, I could hear Alfred burst into laughter from behind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Diamond*: A person/citizen from the Kingdom of Diamonds is simply called a Diamond.
> 
> Spade*: Likewise, a person/citizen from the Kingdom of Spades is simply called a Spade.


	3. Chapter 3

**_Leon Wang’s Journal_ **

**Entry #1      15.8.2250          23:58**

Yo, it’s Leon, or Leon Wang, or Wang Jia Long…Just call me whichever way you want but not Leon Kirkland please.

So, the other day, Icey suggested we keep a war journal to ourselves since we’ve now graduated from the Training Corps and become a full-fledged soldier. Yes, he did say “war journal” because he knew I would tease him, like, forever if he said “diary” instead. It’s a pretty intriguing idea to me actually. I guess we can treat it like some sort of memento; something for people to remember our existence if we happen to die on the battlefield. (This is, if anyone happens to find and read this).

Let’s see…what should I put here first? I’ve jotted down the name already and what’s next…oh yea, I’m sixteen by the way. I joined the army to fight the titans that have started ravaging our planet approximately two centuries ago. Some hysterical scientists must have deemed it an awesome idea to clone some mutants and wield them as bio-weapons to conquer the world, which so very miserably has backfired and somehow devastated the entire globe instead. These enormous beasts, as I’ve heard from some source, are actually transformed from ordinary humans, meaning the enemies we’re now dealing with are probably our own kind. Pretty ironic, isn’t it? We create and breed our own beasts. And we have to pick up the pieces after the mess we plunge ourselves into.

Oh, I’ve forgotten to mention. Ever since the epic (already read as fatally detrimental) world war a century ago, our world has changed completely. All the nations fell apart. In record, they say that there used to be over a hundred countries around the globe and people were categorised into different races. They sprawled across the continents geographically and culturally. But now, our land is reduced to four measly kingdoms. People from various races are blended into one single community as there are very few of each race left anyway. I’ve been told that the ancestors on my mum’s side were an ancient civilisation called Chinese. So, I probably carry some Chinese blood in me? Oh, whatever. That’s irrelevant to what we’re currently discussing.

So yea, there are four kingdoms. I’m a Spade, meaning I come from the Kingdom of Spades (also read as Kingdom of Great Power and Intelligence). Our land is located in the most inner region, shielded and guarded securely by the other three kingdoms and the four holy walls (three now, because the Wall of Clubs has crumbled down). My family…(oh seriously, do I really have to write that, Icey? I don’t want to talk about it…) Anyway…my family is kinda…um…warped, like, totally screwed. You’ll be stunned if I tell you I’m actually from the noble class. My father, whom I prefer to call Arthur (or just Damn Eyebrows because his brows are eerily bushy like golden caterpillars and curse him ‘cause I’ve inherited one of those ridiculous stuff on my otherwise flawlessly handsome face, ha), is a prince of Spades. So, that makes my grandfather, whom I’ve never met or even seen alive yet, the King. Okay, that’s not the main point. I can tell you more about the royal life if you like but my knowledge is apparently limited as I’m an illegitimate love child. They don’t even give a shit about me now because Arthur did a pretty decent job hiding me away. He said this is to protect me from harm but I honestly doubt it though. For all I know, he’s never taken any care of me. Anyway, Eyebrows was originally betrothed to Princess Bonnefoy from the Diamonds. The marriage clearly didn’t work out because I heard from old man (Yao) that the two could, like, squabble and bicker from dusk to dawn. Don’t even question me how they managed to have two kids. That’s just a political fulfillment, I guess. Anyway, so very unfortunately, when Eyebrows got divorced, he went on a voyage to avoid his father’s reprimand and there he stumbled upon an Asian maiden from the middle-class. That is my mum, Wang Chun Yan.

For some uncanny reasons, they fell in love with each other despite being polar opposites (as I heard from old man). They stayed together for a couple of months and then BOO! They had me.

I was an ordeal because as soon as I came to this world, the scandal got unfurled.

Eyebrows left us, or more precisely, was forced to abandon us. I grew up living with my mum and her brother- Wang Yao (He thinks I should call him ‘brother’ instead of ‘uncle’ because he is at least ten years younger than my mum. It doesn’t make any sense, right? I prefer calling him ‘old man’ anyway). I only saw Arthur several times as a kid. He would sometimes sneak back to re-unite with us but he never stayed long. And it was his fault that mum died. He promised to protect us. I should have known better. He always broke his vows. And yet, she waited, so faithfully and patiently, for him to return, only to get smashed when the titans struck. I loathe him. Until this day, I still cannot condone what he’s done, to both Mum and me.

And that’s why I chose to depend on old man after the incident. I convinced him (and gosh, it took me so long to do the persuasion) to let me join the army and become a soldier like him. Icey thought I did that because I looked up to Yao and wished to be as valiant as him, which was partially right. But what incited me more to make such choice is actually Icey. Oh wait, did I introduce Icey yet?

His real name is Emil (but I like calling him Icey because it pisses him off). He’s my best buddy. I kind of, like, saved him five years ago when he was sobbing inside a school building during the attack. His brother, Lukas, was a soldier in the Nordic Squad. He got into a coma after a titan flung him against a wall in their fight. After losing his one and only family member, Icey decided to become a soldier even though with those statures and demeanor of his, he obviously doesn’t suit being one. I tagged along with him in case, well, he messed up. He has this tendency to attract adversities. He once asked me to distance myself from him so that he wouldn’t affect me with his bad luck. I told him it was more thrilling that way. After all, what’s the meaning of life if we are to live like caged birds? The fear of death never really crosses my mind much because I would rather die having striven for my own honour than live having to fear every day when the titans next strike.

Today, we got our graduation certificates. I was kind of miffed that it was Arthur who hosted the ceremony. Yes, he’s a commander, as if I care. I stood next to my two half-brothers, one abnormally garrulous and one close to invisible. They are both Lady Boonefay’s sons. I never feel I’m associated with them until Arthur got us in one of the gatherings together. Alfred is the type you will call presumptuous and arrogant, but adorably optimistic and energetic. He’s pretty easy to talk to if you can endure his silly jokes. Matthew is the complete opposite. I’ve known him for years but I don’t have think I’ve ever had a conversation with him that consisted of more than ten utterances. He likes to maintain a low profile, mainly to avoid being mistaken for his trouble-maker twin. He’s always there in the room, I can say. But he’s only just there. Most of the time, no one can even spot him.

I felt Icey staring at me so I kind of like smiled back at him. Oh, how I love to see him blush like a flustered teenage girl and I paid the price of fifty laps. Damn Eyebrows. Alfred was already jogging because he got punished for unnecessary speaking, courtesy of him anyway. He probably got hyper after ranking first in the whole team. That just irritated Arthur more. He must think we three conspired against him and joined the military on purpose. He is totally against us joining the Scout Legion, the branch that has direct contact and battle with Titans. But well, we just love pestering him and having our own way. That’s something I can always agree with Alfred on.

Icey joined us after the rest of the team got dismissed. He lashed out after I teased him with a kiss on the cheek. We returned to our dorm and showered before grabbing some dinner. Our first expedition is set to be next week. Our mission is to destroy as many Titans wandering outside the Wall of Diamonds and reclaim as much land as possible. They will be sending out ten squads in total and plenty of troops to attempt to amend the broken wall. Once the Wall of Clubs is fixed and all the Titans lingering inside the wall slain, we’ll just be safe.

It was Icey’s treat tonight since he got me indirectly into trouble. He usually dines with the Nordic groups, along with Mathias, his brother’s best friend, Tino and Berwald. I dragged him with me this time because he had to buy me pork buns and dumplings. We settled down in the Asian squad. Old man is the squad leader by the way but we never listen to his bossy nagging. We usually sit in a big group because, well, for some odd reasons (reasons I had better not unravel), that vodka-obsessed pale blond loves to join our table. More precisely, he just loves to cling to old man. He’s Ivan Braginski, a noble descendant from the Clubs. Old man used to have a wife called Anya. She’s Ivan’s sister. They got married secretly when they were sixteen. They couldn’t really go explicit with their relationship though since cross-national marriage was sort of forbidden at that time. They were kind of like expecting a child before old man set off to an expedition. He never got to see his baby though because Anya got miscarriage five years ago. She didn’t make it when one of those Titans sabotaged their cottage. Old man has been wallowing in self-accusation ever since. He thought if he had got Anya a permanent residence inside the Kingdom of Spades (our hometown) instead, this wouldn’t have happened. Sometimes, I sympathise with him. He probably suffers a lot more than anyone of us losing both his sister and his wife in that incident. Personally, I never think Aunt Anya would ever blame him. After all, he did grant her a fairly blissful and gorgeous life while she was alive.

Each squad is made up of five to seven members, led by a team leader or captain. I follow old man, along with my two cousins, Wang Mei and Wang Cheng. Mei is a very beautiful girl with an immensely strong will (don’t tell Icey this because he will get jealous). Old man disapproved of her request to join the army at first, reckoning she was way too delicate in built and pampered in nature, but mostly because he didn’t want to risk losing another one of his precious family members. Her devotion proved him wrong though. She got ninth in ranking. Cheng is somewhat my alter-ego. We spent the majority of our childhood together. He graduated a year before me. He’s also a sly one, dare I warn you. And then…there is this insolent pervert called Im Yong Soo who wouldn’t cease groping others’ breasts, males or females alike. His twin brother, Hyrung Soo, is more composed and austere. Definitely more reliable as well but he has gone off to join the military police instead. We also have Lien, a very relentless female fighter who has survived in the team for three years and her husband, Kasem, a kinda happy-go-lucky but vigilant guy.

“Congratulations, boys.” Old man cheered as we plodded down in our seats. Icey’s face was immediately tainted red. He always gets fazed around people, especially my family and friends.

“I hope you boys know what you’re getting into though.” Old man muttered. “Joining the Scout Legion when you could just choose Military Police Brigade. Isn’t it better to stay inside the inner wall and guard the royalty instead?”

“We know what we’re doing.” I said plainly.

“This isn’t a game aru. This is war. This is a matter of life or death.”

“Like I said, we’ve already made up our mind. We’re joining the Survey Corps for sure.”

“Aiyah, so stubborn. You never stop giving me a headache, Leon.” Old man rolled his eyes but didn’t retort. He knew better not to argue with me because our quarrel never ends anywhere.

“Well, I think it is good to give it a shot, da.” Ivan smiled (well, if you could call that a smile. It’s more like an evil grin). “Experiences and battles can help mature a man.”

“Ivan, this is not a joke! They can get themselves killed easily if they aren’t wary enough!”

“Then, it is our duty as captains to guide and protect these kids, da?” Ivan smiled calmly, well, too calmly.

If there is one person who can reassure old man, that’s him.

He’s a sweet talker, I guess. It’s not like I despise him or anything. He can be intimidating and peculiar sometimes, but other than those bizarre traits, he’s fine. He’s been there for old man for all these years. And it isn’t really hard to tell he has an actual thing for Yao. Old man won’t admit it himself though. He probably still hasn’t gotten over Anya’s death yet. Plus, I doubt if he is really willing to swing that way. Perhaps he’s bi. I don’t know. I don’t need to know either.

I coaxed Emil into trying some Asian cuisine. He was reluctant at first. This guy is so persistent. He’s almost change-intolerant. It takes time for him to adapt to new things. It’s taken me two years to warm up with him. But once he trusts you enough, he turns extremely endearing (again, don’t tell him ‘cause he’ll surely smack me across my face).

“If you’ve already made your decision, I guess I can’t stop you aru.” Old man sighed. “But you’re working under me. You listen to everything I say, get it? When I ask you to retreat, you retreat. No objection or violation of my orders. No reckless behaviour. Understood?”

“Yea.” I shrugged.

“I’m being serious aru!”

“Yea, I know.” I smirked.

“I care about you, Leon. You know I do. And I believe your little friend here does too.” Old man glimpsed Icey and turned back to glower at me. “You mustn’t get yourself hurt. Be more careful, okay?”

I nodded, stealing a peek at my blushing friend. He was fiddling with his chopsticks, still struggling to master the use of them.

“Okay…” I nodded. “I won’t do anything rash or stupid, satisfied?”

“As long as you promise to stay alerted and obey my orders, then all will be fine.” Old man smiled rather contently before munching his roasted chicken leg.

“Excuse…me...” Eduard from Ivan’s squad stuttered as he made his way to our table. Ivan shot him a glare. The blond averted his gaze and quivered. “Leon Wang, the Commander demands to see you after dinner.”

“Commander Kirkland?” Yao frowned.

“Yes…go to his office at seven sharp before curfew please.” Eduard reported plainly.

“Okay. Got it.”

He nodded timidly and trotted away.

“Leon, why do you think he wants to see you?” Icey whispered to my ear.

“Who knows.” I shrugged. “Maybe he’s got something to croak about? Like what happened this afternoon.”

“S-Sorry…” He hummed in guilt.

I laughed. “Just kidding. It’s clearly something else.”

“Ay. You just enjoy teasing me.”

“You look cute when you’re unhinged.”

“I hate you.”

“You’re lucky I feel the opposite.” I winked.

He blushed so terribly he had to hide his face from my family. I chuckled. Mei shot me a crafty grin. Old man was obviously giving me a disgruntled face.

“Don’t always take things so lightly aru.” He pouted and folded his arms. “There must be a reason why Arthur asks to see you.”

“Don’t worry. I can handle that.”

“You sure?” Old man cocked his brows. “If he does anything awful, tell me right away. I’ll kick his ass for you.”

“Maybe I can help too, da?” Ivan snickered, holding up a faucet pipe he loves to bring along with him everywhere he goes, except during expedition of course.

“Aiya, eat your bun la, Ivan!” Old man snorted, stuffing the mouth with a bun as huge as a palm.

And that shut the Russian up.

Temporarily.

Icey and I were supposed to walk back to our dorm together. He said he could wait. I told him to rest first but he was, like I said, as obstinate as a mule.

“Okay then, I’ll try to be quick.” I smiled and gave him a pat on the shoulder.

“Hey…um…”

“Yea?”

“Good luck…” He whispered, jamming his hands into his pockets.

“Thanks.”

I headed to Eyebrows’ office. Just as I was about to knock, Alfred booted open the door and came out.

“Oh hey, it’s you.” Alfred exclaimed rather merrily. I doubt if he even remembers my name.

“Yo. Evening, Al.”

“Dude, I can’t believe Artie is calling you in as well.” Alfred frowned. “He’s just finished lashing out at me. So be careful, Leon.”

“I’m surprised you remember my name.”

“Haha, that’s a nice one, bro! I don’t just go about forgetting someone even if I’ve just met him a couple of times. Plus, I’ve known you for more than you think, dude.”

“Wow, I’m very surprised.” I said nonchalantly.

“Wish you luck, man. That guy inside is clearly on his period.” Alfred stuck out his tongue and scampered off.

“Leon? Is that you?”

I sighed.

“Come on in, would you?”

I turned the knob and stepped in. He leaned against his chair and turned towards me with a solemn face. It’s been a while since we talked face-to-face, alone in a room.

“Yes, sir, I’ve come on your request.”

“You don’t have to call me ‘sir’ right now. Please come closer, Leon.”

I took a few steps forward, an inch away from his working table.

“I can’t believe you’ve grown this much.” He said monotonously. “I see, Wang Yao has taken great care of you.”

“Why are you asking for me?” I asked bluntly. I had no time to fool around with him.

“If you’re going to be this bold, I’ll just have to use the same approach.” He stood up. “Leon, why did you join the Survey Corps? I thought I made it clear to you that if you were to join the army, pick the Military Police Brigade! Why did you oppose to my order?”

“Because it is our personal choice to decide which division we work for. We have the right to choose.”

“I specifically asked you to join the Military Police and never, ever pick the Survey Corps! You obviously did this on purpose like Alfred, didn’t you? Why do you boys never listen to me? Why must you always go against my sayings?”

“I don’t even understand this, Commander Kirkland. You are in no place to interfere with our personal preference.”

“Leon, I will not allow my sons to enter the battlefield or have any direct contact with those bloody monsters! YOU HEAR ME?”

“Sorry, sir, I think it is impossible for us to change now.” I said. “And I don’t suppose I want any change either.”

“YOU- Has Yao brought you up to go against me? Say, what did he tell you?”

“Old man has never misled me or told me to go against you whatsoever. As I said, this is my own decision.”

“Are you having a death wish? Have you any ideas how many team members perish every year because of the mission?” He howled. “And I thought Alfred is the only rebellious one! I can’t believe you and Matthew also tagged along with his imbecility! You guys are putting yourselves in danger; danger you’ve all far underestimated! THIS IS NOT A GAME OR A JOKE!”

“And what does it matter if we die?” I asked. “What does it matter with you anyway, Commander Kirkland?”

“Leon-” He gasped, with a rather agonized expression. “You know why.”

I stared at him serenely.

“You’re my son. I don’t want you to get hurt.” He admitted. “I understand my words probably mean nothing to you. I know you detest me, and have been cursing me since I let your mother down. I apologise for all the suffrage you two have been through. But just this once, listen to me please, do not join the Survey Corps. It is way too dangerous. I…I don’t want to lose you, any one of you.”

“I think there is something you need to know. I am not joining in for fun. Alfred might look like he’s here to fool around but no, he truly wants to be a hero because there are things, precious, valuable stuff he wants to protect and defend. Matthew thinks the same and he’s way more competent than you think. We are all here in pursuit of justice and peace. We are doing this for ourselves. We choose to fight because we don’t want to be a coward for our entire life.”

“You don’t necessarily need to fight in order to prove your bravery, Leon!”

“But more importantly,” I added. “I don’t want to become someone like you, who can’t even fulfill his own vow of protecting his loved ones. I have found someone I love and cherish. And for him, I will fight till the very end. I won’t let HIM down.”

“Leon…”

“If there’s nothing else, sir, I will excuse myself for now. Good night.”

I strutted out of the office and slammed the door shut.

Alfred was crouching in one corner crunching a chocolate bar. He bounced up with a goofy smile.

“Yo, dude, how does it go?”

“Well, what do you expect?”

“Yea, that sucks. He must have asked you to drop out of the Survey Corps, eh?”

I nodded.

“Did you say ‘yes’?” Alfred gulped.

I shook my head.

“Good grief, glad you aren’t manipulated by him. He wouldn’t stop ranting at me, man.”

“He should know by now that never works.” I smirked.

“What else did he say?”

“He thinks we’re doing this deliberately to piss him off.” I said.

“Oh, he’s got a goddamn big ego, doesn’t he? We ain’t got time to conspire against him.” Alfred cackled and wrapped his arm around my shoulder as we strolled down the hallway.

“Alfred?” I frowned. “Why did you join the Survey Corps again? I thought you would follow Sakura into the Military Police Brigade.”

“Dude, isn’t it obvious? I wanna become a hero!” He whooped.

“For Sakura?” I sneered.

“Dude! Stop bringing her up in every one of our conversations!” He blushed. “I wanna be a hero for everyone.”

“I see.”

“Hey, there’s nothing between me and Sakura, okay?”

“When you say it like this, it’s hardly convincing.”

“Honest! I mean, she’s cute and all but I also think your cousin is kinda approachable too. I mean, she has bigger boobs.”

“You know what,” I sniggered. “if you don’t want to get your head smashed by a wok, I would suggest that you don’t try anything on her.”

“What? Why?”

“You can figure it out by yourself.” I smiled and pictured old man chasing Alfred down every street with a butcher knife and a wok, cussing and threatening to knock him unconscious.

“Oh come on! What’s her name again? Wang Wei? Mei? Or Lei?”

“Why don’t you ask her yourself tomorrow?”

_Oh man, I would really love to watch the show._

“Hey, how about we grab some drinks together? We haven’t even celebrated for our graduation, dude! And next week we’re already going on an expedition!”

“But it’s almost curfew.”

“Hey, since when have you started playing it safe? Don’t you wanna piss off Artie together?”

“I’ll go get Icey then.” I nodded.

“Let me call Mattie and Gil. Let’s wait at the bar down the Rose Street, okay?”

“Like, in ten minutes?”

“Ten minutes. That is, dude. See ya!”

We parted. As Alfred went to call the other two, I scurried back to find Icey.

_We are gonna have a blast tonight._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The names in this chapter:
> 
> Princess/Lady Boonefoy- Female France  
> Mei- Taiwan  
> Cheng- Macau  
> Yong Soo- South Korea  
> Hyrung Soo- North Korea  
> Lein- Vietnam  
> Kasem- Thailand  
> Eduard- Estonia


	4. Chapter 4

**_Emil Steilsson’s Journal_ **

**Entry #2          20.8.2250        21:26**

I haven’t had that dream in a while.

When I do, the scene is always lucid. And I often end up sobbing in my sleep.

It’s like a video tape, loading and playing off automatically in my brain.

The Wall of Clubs crumbled down. The bricks collapsed in a second flat. The gigantic feet shot in through the gap. Screeches of sheer terror roamed the streets.

Lukas was up on the rooftop. Mathias was defending him. Everyone was fighting, fleeing, squealing…

Chaos.

Chaos everywhere.

Death. Blood. Casualties.

I was there, practically unable to do anything. Lukas fought so hard. The idea of fear never crossed his mind.

I cried last night.

Leon clutched my hand. He was weeping.

His clothes were stained with blood; blood that belonged to his mother.

The colossal hand emerged almost out of the blue. Lukas was in the air at that moment. He didn’t catch it fast enough. It was a blind spot. He didn’t cry. Nor did he shriek. When those fingers wrapped around his waist, he frowned. And so very slowly, he turned to me. I knew he probably wanted me to leave; to run and never look back. I couldn’t move. I didn’t budge. Neither did Leon. We were just there, standing solidly as the scene unfurled itself like a display show.

He groaned, both in pain and frustration. The last thing I saw was Lukas back in the air again, his body hurled against a concrete rock before plummeting into the ruins. And the last thing I heard was Mathias yelling out his name as the titan landed on the ground with an ear-splitting thud.

I gasped and sprang up in my bed. Beads of sweat coated my forehead. It was three in the morning, two days before our first expedition. I was crying. I didn’t realise tears were cascading down my cheeks until Leon stroked my back slightly. I swallowed them and muttered an apology. It wasn’t the first time my wails had woken him.

He stared back with empathy. Straggling tears glittering in his own pair of limpid eyes. Sometimes, we do wake up crying together. Me, from dreaming of Lukas. Him, from dreaming of his mother.

We would always cradle each other as if we were the sole ones left on the entire planet. And as if no one else would ever understand us better than ourselves.

I knew I shouldn’t be grumbling. At least, Lukas is alive, but Leon’s mum isn’t.

I was never old enough to memorise my parents’ appearances and voices.

For Leon though, having a family is almost like having none. The one he cherished and held most dear to was gone; snatched away from his side before he could figure out what was happening to this world.

“Same dream again?” He asked, his voice hoarse and dry.

I nodded, burrowing my face in his shoulder. I was still trembling. His warmth was pacifying.

“Me too.” He hummed. We lay back down facing each other. I wiped off his tears as he wiped off mine.

“Are you scared?” 

If I said ‘no’, I would be lying. We both knew, deep down, there was some uncertainty restraining us. We both want to save the ones we love. We both want to change this world somehow. And yet, we’re uncontrollably, hopelessly frightened.

“It’s okay.” He smiled faintly. I love his eyes. He isn’t particularly good at expressing his emotions. Neither am I. But when I look into his eyes, they never tell lies. Those orbs always glint with so much affection and vibrancy they never fail to suck my souls. “If anything, we can always die together.”

“Leon, this-”

“But,” He interrupted, shushing me with a finger. “I won’t let you die. So, we’ll both live.”

“You really didn’t have to do this. Why did you join the Scout Legion? Is it because I joined it?”

“You know you are one of the reasons but not all, Icey.” He said. “I’m doing this of my own accord. I don’t want to do something I will regret for the rest of my life.”

“Aren’t you regretting this now?”

“I am not. Are you?”

“No, it’s too late to regret anyway.”

“As long as I’m with you, I don’t find a reason to regret anything.” He assured.

“Idiot. Even so, I still won’t thank you.”

“I never ask for your gratitude.” He laughed. “I’m simply doing as I please. Hey Ice, we’ll be, like, totally fine, okay? Don’t worry. I’m always here.”

“I know.” I nodded and quickly buried my face in the duvet.

I felt like crying again.

Registering for the Scout Legion basically implies a death sentence.

No one knows for sure when they will make it out alive or fall prey to the monsters.

We all have one dream though- that is to free humanity from slavery; from the constraints of their own wrath and corruption. We strive to protect those we love. And they are the fundamental reasons for our living.

For the past five years, Garrison, the military division assigned with the specific task of mending the breached wall, has been dispatched to the ruined Wall of Clubs a couple of times. Each rendered them failing miserably with ample loss of trainees and officers. We have been told our primary aim is to eliminate any titans that come into our sight, paving way for the Garrison to repair of broken wall so that our forfeited kingdom can be reclaimed.

The Kingdom of Spades has dispatched two squads this time, one led by Captain Wang and the other one by Alfred. The Kingdom of Hearts has only managed to supply one squad, led by Captain Beilschmidt. The squad from the Diamonds will be guided by Colonel Zwinli, whom I heard has slaughtered over a hundred titans in his past record. Our kingdom will be sending out two squads. Captain Braginski will be leading the Eastern Europe group and I shall follow Mathias in the Nordic team. Our squad is severely short on labour so they didn’t really expect us to achieve much. Mathias has been taking care of me since Lukas was hospitalised. He almost lost his mind when my brother got into coma. He’s an impulsive idiot in general, but dependable at least. I don’t really mind taking orders from him but he can be quite impertinent sometimes. Tino is like my mentor. He is the jolly type. His boyfriend though…not so much. Berwald hardly speaks but when he does, it usually renders people baffled. He is what you would regard as simply intimidating despite doing nothing. But no one can blame him. He was born with this aloof face. He does care profusely for Tino though and surprisingly, they make a good pair.

Well…there are only four of us in our squad. Lukas has been out for five years and I doubt if he’s ever coming back. I wish he could wake up though, or just…simply open his eyes, move his lips a bit…squeeze my hand to hint that he’s okay… I went to see him one last time before my expedition. Leon tagged along with me. He remembers everything as clearly as I do. He was there, clutching my hand when that creature attacked my brother. If he hadn’t been there with me, I knew I would never have been able to make it.

This will be the last time I shed tears in front of Lukas. I have vowed to return with victory and glory. I will put on my armors for him; avenge and slay all those bastards for him.

“Emil, look at me.” I knew he was serious when he called my real name. “It’s gonna be alright, okay?”

I didn’t reply. I simply stared at Leon. He looked gorgeous in his uniform. He has always been beautiful. He shouldn’t be hanging out with me at all. He should be resting peacefully in his own kingdom, embracing all the luxuries and comfort his father and his brother can grant him. Neither Commander Kirkland nor Captain Wang wanted him to be in the Survey Corps in the first place. There is no reason for him to fight alongside me, a grass-root whose life isn’t worth much. I can only live for my family and no more. I wish I could grow stronger.

“You really shouldn’t be doing this.” I had said frankly. He frowned, tilted his head and then shrugged.

“Have you ever wondered why old man and Arthur are in the army?”

That…I have never really considered much before.

It sounds ridiculous, really, since both Commander Kirkland and Captain Wang originate from upper class. They shouldn’t be taking roles like these when they can have, well, live a much smoother life inside the Great Wall of Spades. Inside the palace. They don’t have to be betting on their life every single day and confront things we working class do.

“I don’t know about Arthur. Maybe he’s finally conscious of his status and decides to do something that could benefit the rest of the kingdom. For old man though, it is a duty and virtue to fight. Our lineage has all been filled with ancestors that were either generals or military officers. It’s a tradition, you see. Like, they pass on from one generation to another. The irony is that even though all the boys in my family trees are soldiers, they have never once succeeded in protecting their loved ones. They say it’s, like, a damn curse or something. I beg to differ though. I want to prove that this is not true and that I, Leon Wang, am something different. I can protect those I care. I can handle this with no ado.”

“You’re…really brave.”

“I am not.” He smirked. “I am just pretending. I’m brave when I’m with you though.”

I laughed.

“It’s been a while since you last smiled, Ice.” He smiled. “I like it when you do that.”

“Well, that’s because I’m with you?” I said.

“Being honest now, aren’t you?”

“Shut up.”

I planted a chaste kiss on Lukas’ forehead before leaving the ward with Leon. I wished I could introduce him to my brother someday. That is, if Lukas ever wakes up.

“Oh hey, Emil, you’re here!” Mathias hailed to me eagerly. He had a bouquet of fresh blossoms in one hand, a basket of stunning handicraft in another. He’s been visiting Lukas every single day, even more frequently than I do. He always hums a song, boasts about his awesome deeds or simply tells Lukas a fairytale he fancies. Each time he comes, he will bring bouquets or small trinkets. There have been so many of them that they have started piling up long ago. I don’t usually stay with Mathias, but when I do, he always masks himself with a gleeful façade. Once I step out of the ward, he breaks down into tears and whimpers. I know he loves Lukas very much, so much more than anyone else. I don’t know how to reassure him. Sometimes, I wish I could muster the courage to give him a cuddle like the one Leon always gives me. But I couldn’t. I don’t know how he will react either. I guess he never wants to reveal this side of him in front of anyone but Lukas. He’s a great “brother” to me, and a committed leader in our squad. I just hope Lukas can show some response once in a while and stop breaking Mathias’ heart. It’s frustrating, almost despairing to see him this lonely.

“Hi.” I muttered.

“You guys leaving already?” Mathias asked, pulling his trade-mark grin.

**_It’s okay to cry._ **

Leon always says to me.

**_It never makes you weak._ **

**_What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger._ **

I wish I could tell Mathias this.

But I guess…Lukas is enough to comfort him.

“Yea, we’re, like, running late for our training.” Leon pinpointed.

“Oh now that you mention it! Commander Kirkland has been looking everywhere for you two! He’s got Alfred, Gilbert and that…who’s that guy again? Never mind. You guys are in some deep shit.”

“Crap.” I cussed and started dragging Leon with me.

“Whatever have you done, lads?” Mathias yelled after us. I didn’t turn back.

We got reprimanded for two hours straight. As if it’s still not embarrassing enough, the entire army now knows that we sneaked out the other night after curfew and drank ourselves to death. Gilbert the idiot apparently bragged to everyone about our night afterwards. Words went viral and here we were, being scolded and penalised by Leon’s dad.

“I can’t comprehend what you are thinking.” He furrowed his bushy brows sternly. I scanned around the room. Gilbert was nowhere to be seen. Urgh, he must have been sent away to the introspection room.

“Is this what you call ‘discipline’? Have you never been trained to behave as a responsible and regimented soldier? Or is it that we’ve been too lenient on you!”

A whip landed on Alfred’s thigh. Harsh. Ruthless. Sharp.

“Ouch!” Alfred practically squealed and glared at Commander Kirkland. He looked like he wanted to curse but he hushed when he saw the whip being lifted again.

“Any justification for your insolent behaviour?”

“Dude! I don’t see what’s the big deal of it! We were just having a night out! Celebration that is! Why do you have to be so pissed? It’s not like we-”

**_Whip!_ **

“Damn it! You’re so unreasonable!”

“Unreasonable?”

**_Whip._ **

“I would really want to hear more of that, Alfred Kirkland.”

“Alfred. F. Jones!”

**_Whip!_ **

I cringed. My hands trembled. I wondered when my turn would come. Leon remained fairly composed though.

“Fuck you! The rules you set for us are way too dumb! I’m opposing all of them! You should just go fuck yourself and get lost, sucker!”

**_WHIP!_ **

That one was awfully merciless. The fabric rip open and was immediately tainted with dark shades of red. Alfred showed no sign of giving in. And neither did Commander Kirkland want to make any concessions.

“Say all you have to say. Any more things you’re not satisfied with me?”

“You’re a jerk.”

**_WHIP! WHIP! WHIP!_ **

“Still not guilty?”

**_Whip._ **

“Damn it…”

**_Whip._ **

“Please stop it, sir.” The guy whom I could never remember his name right suddenly spoke up with pleading eyes. He looked so much like Alfred except with a wholly different demeanour. Oh yeah…he’s his “invisible” twin…

“Mattie, step away!”

“I can’t believe you were in with all of them, Matthew. You’ve been doing so well. Why have you let them spoiled your record?”

“Please don’t hit Alfred anymore. We’re all at fault…” Matthew whined.

“I am very disappointed, must I say.” Commander Kirkland growled. “Out of five of you, four are graduates of the elite training corps. And now, this is what you presented me? A completely immature, inconsiderate, unacceptable behaviour!”

“Shut up. We’re sorry, okay? Don’t drag Mattie into this!” Alfred yelped.

“It was you who dragged your brother into this.”

**_Whip._ **

Matthew groaned and flinched from the whip.

“Sorry enough?”

“I apologise, sir! Please stop this!” Alfred shoved his twin behind him and yelled. “Is that enough for you, Commander KIRKLAND?”

**_Whip._ **

“No, I have to guarantee no such behaviour will ever occur again in this army.” Commander Kirkland scowled and turned to us. “And you two? Any words for now?”

I shuddered, my eyes darting everywhere to dodge the ferocious glare.

“Well, I guess you both need to learn a lesson.”

Commander Kirkland wielded his whip firmly and aimed at my leg. Before he could thrash my limb, Leon frowned and fluidly slid to my front. I watched his blood splatter to my face. I lost it and wailed.

“Sir, Alfred and I shall take the blame. We were the ones who suggested drinking after curfew. Matthew and Emil were both coaxed to tag along with us. If anything, please punish us instead.” Leon asserted, blood still seeping though his wound.

“No! I was the one who talked them into drinking and throwing a party night!” Alfred argued. “I shall take all the blame!”

“No, sir, I did agree to Gilbert so I should also-” Mathew stuttered.

“ENOUGH!” Commander Kirkland hollered. “This is not the time to toss the blame around! You will all be punished for violating the regulations! We’re done for today. You will receive your retribution after you return from the expedition. Now take your leave. I do not wish to see you all breaking rules again.”

Leon grabbed my shivering hand. Alfred went to help his brother up. We all saluted before trotting towards the door.

“Al, you okay?”

“Do I look okay?” Alfred laughed and tottered a bit with his slashed leg.

“Come on, let’s patch you up.” Leon suggested.

“Dudes, I’m sorry.” Alfred sighed. “I didn’t know he would go haywire for that.”

“It’s not your fault.” I shook my head. “We’re all in this together. Please don’t blame yourself.”

“Yea, we had fun, Al.” Matthew smiled softly. “I wonder where Gil is though…”

“He’s probably got sent to repent himself.”

“Can you walk?”

“Dude, I’m totally fine!”

“You’re a great liar.” Leon smirked and with a sling, he got Alfred on his back.

“Shit! Put me down! This is way too awkward! I mean, what if anyone see this! THIS IS TOTALLY UNHEROIC!”

“Shut up, Al, let's get you to the infirmary first.” Matthew teased and patted his brother on the shoulder.

“Icey, lead the way please?”

“Yes, of course!” I smiled and took all my friends to the infirmary.

I couldn’t believe Commander Kirkland would actually hurt Leon. He looked so hurt though when he raised his whip. It must have been a great dilemma for him. After all, his primary target was me and Leon became my shield.

“I’m sorry…” I wrapped the bandage around his arm.

“Hey, you like to apologise a lot, don’t you?” He stole a kiss from my cheek.

“Stop it, would you?”

“Make me.”

“I hate you.”

“You don’t have another line, do you?”

“Just stop teasing me.”

“Why should I?

“You’re an idiot.”

“Then why are you with me?”

“Urgh! You’re-”

A kiss shushed me promptly. I gasped and shoved him away.

He laughed.

I blushed like a tomato.

“Dudes, get a room!” Alfred whooped from the other side of the room.

“SHUT UP!” We both yelled back and burst into laughter.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Leon Wang’s Journal_ **

**Entry #2     21.8.2250      07:20**

They told us those injections contained steroids but I doubted it. The moment it delved into my veins, my head throbbed. Icey wobbled beside me and almost collapsed. I instinctively glared at the doctor- his name is Honda or something, the apathetic scientist leading the National Research Team. He used to be a pretty close friend of old man but somehow they became estranged. Old man has been telling me secrets of the Research Squad, how they are notorious for various ridiculous and sometimes catastrophic experiments. They did invent an effective anti-aging drug a couple of years ago and have been injecting it to our soldiers since. That sort of explains why old man and Ivan are still looking the same as they did ten years ago. They’re probably in their late 20s but they look like juveniles. Age is, well, like a forbidden topic between us. However many years pass, old man will still look the same. Guess that’s why they always say looks can be quite deceiving.

I wasn’t really fond of needles but I guess there was this person who got even more intimidated by them. All this time, Alfred was screeching and wailing like a baby, refusing to be injected and even fleeing from the scene. He got chased down in the hallway though and had to be glued to a chair by five assistants before successfully getting his dose.

I led Icey back to our dorm. We were granted an hour of rest so we decided to take a nap before our training started. We will be having our expedition tomorrow and hopefully, nothing goes astray. I’m not sure how much chance there is for us to survive, but I’ve been told, or rather, warned, that for the past two years, every expedition has ended with nearly half of the squads wiped out. If this statistic goes on, Scout Legion will be down to, like, 10 members or something. It takes a long time for them to recruit new blood again, since rarely do people wish to take the risks. They would rather stay hidden in their comfort zones, being the sheep inside the fences, the birds bound forever in the cage.

I don’t want to live like that.

I want to fight, for mum, for Icey, for old man, for everyone else that means the world to me.

* * *

**_Emil Steilsson’s Journal_ **

**Entry #3       25.8.2250       12:36**

We had our first expedition two days ago.

The moon was glittering high above the rimless horizon. The sky was a cloudless mass of dark paradise. It was, in general, an absolutely fine day.

Our goal was clear. Our only mission was to avoid bumping into the titans and if by any chance we did, we slew as many as we can. We had to pave ways for the Garrison to repair the Wall of Clubs. Since there was an enormous hole at the bottom of the wall, they had to bring in explosives to blow the top off, allowing the debris and bricks to fall and fill the gap through which titans have been entering.

We ate our dinner in silence. I chose to sit with Leon because Mathias wanted to visit Lukas one more time before setting off. I didn’t go with him because I knew if I did, I would just sob. I didn’t want to get sentimental and chicken out all of a sudden.

Leon caught me shifting in my seat. He scooted closer to me.

“Hey, I got something for ya.” He piped up, still with a bun in his mouth. He rummaged in his pocket and pulled out something sparkly. I squinted. My sight was bombarded by the sudden beam of a silvery light.

He swiftly slid the bracelet onto my wrist and smiled. It was an exquisite trinket, made of pure silver. I didn’t dare ask where the hell he had got this extravagant stuff from. Oh, right, he’s a member of the royalty, remember?

“I’ve been, like, waiting to hand you this. I spotted it almost a year ago. Couldn’t save enough money for it but yea, I got a little bit subsidy from old man.” He giggled and waved his hand in the air. Dangling around his wrist was a silvery cuff with the same design.

“Take a look.”

And it had my name written on it.

“It’s a pair of fortune cuffs. Rumor has it that when two people wear them together, they will never part. So, we’ll be, like, totally safe since we both have them on.” He winked.

Sometimes, I wonder how he got that stream of optimism. And yet, I am always mesmerised.

“You’re superstitious.” I rolled my eyes and pinched his cheek.

“Doesn’t hurt to believe in a fortune or two tho.” He grinned and brought our wrists together.

Well, they are a matching pair.

“And they say it safeguards friendship.” He added. “Like, we’ll totally be buddies forever. There’s no way out.”

“That’s creepy.” I snorted. “But.”

“But?”

“Thanks.” I blushed and slid my wrist under my sleeve.

We set off at nine. Titans are supposedly less active at night because they feed on sunlight. The trip to the centre of the Kingdom of Clubs took approximately two hours and a half. Another two hours would take us to the Wall.

“Stay alert!” Commander Kirkland yelped. They were a couple of blocks ahead of us. We entered the narrow street of what used to be the kingdom’s most centralised district. Everything was gone now. Wreckage. Rubble. Everywhere.

The air reeked of putrefying meat. Rotten corpses. Pungent choking smog. Insects. Eggs. Squirming worms.

By eleven thirty, we received the first warning. Two deviant titans marched towards our direction. Captain Braginski took off with his members and tackled them. Another block away we encountered ten roaming beasts. Commander Kirkland insisted that we advanced together. He learnt from the last expedition that it would only result in a bigger catastrophe if we scattered around. When the twelfth titan appeared, we all got our gears ready. We were surrounded by a lot more looming beasts than we expected. Our vehicles happened to attract them. I followed Mathias and landed on the rooftop of an old hospital. I captured a titan in the south. I fired my grapple hook and leapt into the air. **_Slash._** The only way to kill them was by slicing the nape of their neck. Blood sputtered onto the wall, painting the frayed concrete a shade of nauseating crimson. I swung and bounced towards another one round the corner. This one looked like a female. Her eyes bulged. Lips stretched from ear to ear. Hot, thick saliva dripped from the corner of her mouth. She smelled of decayed fish. A wave of her hand almost crushed me against the wall. I leapt, barely able to retain my balance. I used the wall to help me. I landed on her neck. A metre away from the centre of her moving palm. **_Slash._** I was back into the air before her blood tainted my cloak.

“Emil!” Mathias puffed, his uniform drenched in disgusting brown. “You okay there?”

I nodded, though I really wanted to shake my head. I didn’t realise the mere sight of these beasts would make me puke. The odor. The colour of their blood. I wanted to vomit. My legs trembled. The ground rumbled. I lifted my chin. An enormous blood-stained palm lunged towards me. I stumbled back. Fired my hook and let it yank me off the ground. The fingers still reached me though. They clasped my leg and towed me into the air. I yelped. I took my pistol and fired. The finger came off. I fell.

“Emil!” Mathias’s voice echoed. He raced towards me. Too late. Another hand grasped me. The beast growled. I cried when my knee cracked. I fired and fired. The bullets penetrated his flesh but the wounds regenerated a second after. **_Slash!_** The creature collapsed and loosened its grip. I landed on the floor hard. I grunted.

“Are you alright?”

Mathias rushed towards me, followed by Tino and Berwald. I nodded and stood up.

Three more titans headed towards us. I was starting to panic.

“Berwald, get that one on the right! I’ll tackle the other two!” Mathias shouted and flew off. “Tino! Watch Emil for me!”

“Emil, can you walk?” Tino asked. I shook off his hand and glared at him. I’m not a kid anymore. Please!

Before he could chase after me, I took off again.

“Emil! Come back!”

I flew across buildings and houses, not sure where I was going. I had left my squad without a permission. I struck whatever that came into my way. One after another. I slashed them. I slaughtered them. I cracked open their nape. Delved my blade deep into their neck. Slit their flesh open. I wanted them all to go to the hell!

“Damn it!” **_Slash!_ ** Blood. **_Splash!_**

I bathed in their blood. Relished in hearing them growl and snarl. Shriek and writhe. Die. Beasts. Every single one of them. Should just die!

“Na-Natalia!”

I halted when Toris screeched. They were about ten metres away in the east. The girl was stuck in one corner, her legs trapped by fallen debris. A deviant titan swept her off the ground. Toris leapt off the fence and shot. The hand loosened, but not enough to let Natalia escape. Toris fired again. The fingers got chopped off. Natalia wiggled out of the palm and flew off. The other hand captured Toris and brought his squirming body to the mouth. Natalia fired but to no avail. I gasped and darted towards them.

“Toris!” She squeaked and maneuvered her way towards the titan’s back. A sudden attack though rendered her crushed against the wall.

“No!” No one had ever seen her cry. We wouldn’t even think she was capable of doing so. She has been infamous in the army for her ferocious and ruthless nature. The sole person she seems to care is Ivan, the brother she is deeply infatuated with. The usual fierce mask now shattered into torrents of tears. I shot the creature twice in the eyes. It stopped its movement for a while. Toris successfully got out of its palm. We both reached for its nape. **_Slash!_** Dead.

He glimpsed me before dashing back to Natalia and scooping her up. She smacked him and called him an idiot but continued to cry.

I frowned. I almost forgot something important. I scanned around and looked desperately for a particular person. We were completely outnumbered. Cries everywhere. Blood pelted down like rain.

“No! Don’t!”

A titan clutched a female soldier and bit off her top. I felt bile reaching up to my throat.

“L-Leon…” The word slipped. I whirled around and leapt into the air. _Where are the Asians? Where are they?_

I peered down from the sky. Some of our vehicles had been smashed. The number of our attackers kept increasing. Many more were coming this way.

“Retreat! RETREAT!” Commander yelled. Nobody could catch that fast enough. A few vehicles were already moving back towards the Kingdom of Diamonds. They were abandoning the plan.

“Let’s go! They’re leaving!”

“Go!”

People started shrieking.

“Emil!”

Someone bawled.

**_BOMB!_ **

A canon was fired.

I turned and dropped my sword.

Never in my life would I ever forget those gruesome, slanted eyes. That irregular-shaped body with layers of fat dangling on its tummy. That oval face of yellow and grease.

This- was Lukas’ murderer.

I wanted so much to jump towards its back and chop its head off. Yet, my feet were stapled to the ground. I could only stare hollowly at that gigantic hand hovering above me. My heart hammered against my chest. I started quavering. Tears filled the brims of my eyes.

Everything went wrong there.

I saw nothing but Lukas. Right in front of me. Being snatched off ground and crushed in that callous grip. He yelped and kicked. He shot and slashed. His blood. His cries. His eyes when he glanced at me.

“No…”

“Emil!”

A hand grabbed my arm and yanked me back. The giant hand missed me by an inch. It attacked again. Leon leapt in front of me and fired. The hand was ripped into pieces. Blood showered him.

“What’re you doing here?” He whipped around and bellowed. “Move your arse, Emil!”

It took me a minute to react. Two more titans joined in and surrounded the school building. School building? Shit…this was exactly the same place where we met five years ago.

“Emil…listen, listen to me, Emil!” Leon shook my shoulders. “We’re cornered!”

“W-What…What do we do now, Leon…” I frowned. My hands shook deliriously. Whenever I glimpsed that beast, Lukas was there. “Shit…I’m scared! That…that one…that one was the one who…”

“I know. I know!” He nodded repeatedly. “Don’t panic! I’ll take it down. Emil, you go for the other two, okay? We’ll get out alive. Trust me!”

“But-” I gasped. “Leon!”

The very same hand that captured Lukas that day wrapped around Leon. He groaned. The bullet smashed a hole in that monstrous eye. Its fingers tightened. Leon grunted.

“No!” Another hand grasped my leg. I crawled forward but with one swing, it swept me off ground. I hung upside down facing the grinning titan. My gear dropped to the floor. Doomed.

“Emil!”

Tears rolled down my cheeks. They burned. I couldn’t think straight. All that reverberated was Leon’s voice. **_Slash!_ ** He cursed. **_Slash!_** He moaned. I peeked at him. He got the beast down. He sprinted towards me before another titan got him. No!

“Bloody hell!”

“Jia Long!”

“Emil!”

Familiar voices filled my ears. I was shoved out of the burning cavern. **_BANG!_** My captor was torn into pieces.

“Damn it! What did I tell you! WHAT DID I FUCKING TELL YOU, EMIL!” I was soon met with Mathias’ crushing embrace. His tears streamed down my cheeks. They were hot, salty, blended with his own blood.

“You never bloody listen to whatever I say, do you!” From the other side, Commander Kirkland roared. The two titans collapsed and vanished into steam. Captain Wang raced towards him and caught Leon’s unconscious body.

I blacked out after that.

* * *

  ** _Leon Wang’s Journal_**

**Entry #3     25.8.2250      20:42**

Our first expedition didn’t go well.

We lost at least one third of our soldiers that day.

I regained consciousness two days later. I vaguely remembered being clasped in a titan’s palm and swung in the air. I got away with a broken arm and a sprained ankle. I was able to avenge for Icey. I killed the titan that attacked his brother five years ago. But I got captured. I couldn’t save him. Eyebrows and old man came to our rescue in the last minute.

Icey was right beside me when I woke up. He clutched my hand close to his heart. He didn’t sob but traces of tears were there. Dried. But there.

He hugged me right after my eyes snapped open. He kept slurring in his speech. I wrapped my arms back around him.

I thought I lost him.

I really did.

I started crying before I knew it. Those tears were meant to fall when he was clasped in the air, close to being bitten by those sharp, merciless teeth. I thought I might die with him before Eyebrows decapitalised that beast.

Anyway, I got my retribution. Eyebrows visited me this morning. He marched into the ward and before I could utter a word, his hand landed hard on my cheek. I coughed.

“Stop it, Arthur!” Yao tried to defend me. He even came in between me and Eyebrows. His knuckles were hard and white. Ivan stood beside him, a frown on his face. Icey kept stroking my back.

“Irresponsible! Inconsiderate! Egocentric!” His voice was harsh. His eyes never left me. Those emerald eyes that I loathed so much; that never did show me any care. “I did not train you to become a reckless piece of scum! Leaving your squad without permissions. Defying orders. Acting on your own impulse. Placing the entire team in danger. Have you any ideas what kind of trouble you have gotten us into, LEON KIRKLAND?”

“Leon WANG!” I corrected him. Hurt in his eyes. Not that I cared. I kept glaring at him. Tears prickled but I swallowed them. No. I would never cry in front of him. Never. When he decided to abandon us that day, I swore to God I would never depend on him again.

“I don’t see what’s so wrong with that! He saved Emil!” Alfred butted in. **_SLAP!_ ** Alfred tumbled back and glared at Eyebrows. Matthew had to keep his brother's hand down to avoid a fight.

By now, almost everyone related to us was there in the ward.

“It’s my fault, Commander Kirkland. I didn’t watch Emil carefully enough. I let him sneak away from our squad.” Mathias stepped in and apologised.

“When we called out ‘retreat’, everyone was fighting. It was a complete chaos. We couldn’t blame them, da?” Ivan reasoned. “Plus, Emil did give Toris and Natalia a hand back there. If he hadn’t been there, I would have lost my dear sister and my precious team member.”

Eyebrows scowled. His eyes still fixated on me. “Leave.”

Silence.

They all glanced at me and Icey.

“Arthur aru.” Old man approached him but was shoved down in a flash.

“Commander!” Ivan took out his pipe but old man held up his hand.

“You’re his captain. You’re supposed to take care of him!” He barked right into old man’s face. “You’re supposed to make sure he’s damn safe! I left him into your hands because I trusted you! I trusted you would look after him and look what you did! He almost got eaten by one of those bloody monsters!”

Yao didn’t argue. He grabbed Eyebrows’ hands and stared back at him.

“I know aru." His eyes glimmered with tears. "I take full responsibility for his off-track behaviour. Any punishment should go to me instead.”

“I bloody swear if you let this happen again next time, I’m taking back my custody of him. He’ll be going to the military police! Or even better, dismissed entirely from this army!”

“Yes, sir.”

“Now leave.” He hollered and glared at everyone. “Every bloody one of you. LEAVE!”

The others filed out of the room. I tugged Icey’s sleeve. He glimpsed me sympathetically before trotting out.

“Why would you do that?”

Eyebrows turned to me. His lips parted but no words came out.

“Why did you shout at Yao?” I sat up and balled my hands into fists. “It’s my fault entirely. I strayed from the squad to save Emil. You know Yao did nothing wrong! Why do you have to blame him!”

**_SMACK!_ **

My cheek burned. I traced my hand on the swollen spot. His hand touched mine. I shoved it off. Tears glinted in his eyes. I ignored them.

“Would you please stop talking to me like that?” He finally blurted out after a minute of silence. “Please. You don’t know how much it hurts me.”

“You have no idea how much it hurts me either.” I retorted and scooted away from him.

He sighed and stared at his lap. “That day, I received a call...” He paused and clenched his fists. “An hour after the wall got breached, our squad received the news. We got dispatched immediately to the town market. They told me you were there. She took you shopping that day. I thought you were there. When I reached the market though…everyone was gone. It was then I received another message…that you had arrived home long ago. My crews messed up your location. When I reached our home…it was gone as well.”

He grasped the sheets and lowered his head.

“When I got there, she was trapped under a fallen roof. I couldn’t…I couldn’t save her.” He dug into his pocket and pulled out a pendant. _Her pendant._

I lost it there. I was so furious I slid out of bed, grabbed his shoulders and pinned him against the wall. He didn’t fight back. I thought I had grown taller than him. But no. He was still above me. I cried. I couldn’t stop.

“You let her down! You broke your promise!”

“Yes.”

“She waited! We waited! You never came!”

“I did come!”

“But it was too late! She died believing that you would save her. But no, you didn’t! You jerk!”

“And that’s precisely why I don’t want to lose you as well!” He shouted back. “Or Alfred….Or Matthew…Or even Yao for that matter...I’ve lost so much. I’ve made so many mistakes. I don’t want to mess up again and regret afterwards.”

“This is all about yourself.” I shook my head and let go of his collar. “You’re always thinking about yourself. You never care about us. Never.”

“I do care.” He insisted.

I tottered back to my bed and slumped down. “You think you do. You just don’t want to make yourself guilty ever again. You can’t even face the truth. You can’t even confront her. You’re such a coward.”

“Leon…please-”

“Go away. I don’t want to see you.”

“Please don’t do anything dangerous. That’s all I beg of you.”

“I take the lead in my own life. I decide what I do. It’s none of your business.”

“You’re my son.”

I ducked deeper into my blanket and turned away from him.

“Just don’t forget that.” His boots screeched on every step. The door creaked open. “I won’t let you die.”

And it slammed shut.


	6. Chapter 6

“Yao-Yao, I’ve brought you some tea.”

Ivan placed the tray on the table and smiled. The Chinese man stood motionless facing the window. His eyes wandered off to the clock tower situated in the centre of the district. They were back to the headquarters in the Kingdom of Spades.

“Not going to drink the tea I specially brewed for you?” Ivan’s voice softened. His footsteps shuffled on the wooden tiles, producing a screech in every step. Yao didn’t budge.

“You know you shouldn’t let his words get to you, da. I would’ve crushed him with my pipe if only you had allowed me.” Ivan sighed and touched the other’s shoulders.

Yao twitched slightly.

“He’s right aru.” Yao turned and slumped down on his chair. He pulled his chair forward and stared at a photo frame on his office table. Ivan’s eyes traced after his stare and eventually landed on that faded photograph. Those familiar faces immediately ingrained themselves in his head. His smile vanished.

“You know it isn’t your fault.” Ivan muttered and sat down on the couch. “She would think the same.”

Yao remained silent and fondled the frame. The image unfurled vividly in his mind. Her amethyst eyes fixated on his. Her pale blond hair sprawled freely on her shoulders. She was dressed in an exquisite white gown full of laces and jewellery. She clutched a sunflower in one hand and let the other caress the round curve on her abdomen. There was laughter when he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her close. She giggled when he planted a chaste kiss on her lips. That was their wedding day. Three months in her pregnancy. The best he could afford her.

The child never got to see the light though.

And perhaps if he didn’t let her go on the expedition that day, he wouldn’t have lost her as well.

“She volunteered. You know how stubborn she was. She just wanted to make sure you were alright.” Ivan said, as if following his train of thoughts.

“Well, I was alright in the end. But she wasn’t aru.” Yao leaned back against the chair and glimpsed the tea. Steam wafted out of the cup. He shut his eyes and sighed. “I lost two of my loved ones on the same day. I was there but couldn’t save them.”

“Nobody had foreseen that. No one would’ve thought the wall would be breached.” Ivan murmured and hugged his head. “Do you think I’ve been able to forget her face all these years?”

“Ivan, no-” Yao frowned and turned to his companion.

“The last thing Anya wanted was for you to be with her. You did stay with her till the end. She would forgive you.”

Yao stood up and strode over to the Russian. He bent down and wrapped his arms around him.

“But I can’t forgive myself for nearly losing Jia Long. He’s the last thing Chun Yan entrusted to me.”

“He knows what he’s doing.” Ivan said.

**_Knock. Knock._ **

“Yao? Are you in there?”

Yao disentangled himself from Ivan and strutted towards the door. Ivan stood up and followed him.

Yao opened the door and frowned. Arthur ogled Ivan and then stared back at Yao.

“Am I interrupting something?”

“No.” Yao answered promptly. The Russian shrugged and trotted past Arthur.

“I’ll wait for you at the dorm, Yao.”

Arthur shut the door. Yao was already back in his chair. “Well, take a seat if you want aru.” He took a sip of the tea and slouched against his chair. “What brings you here, opium.”

“My name’s not opium.” Arthur marched towards the Asian and glanced down at him.

“Should I call you Commander then?” Yao cocked his brows.

“Arthur. Why wouldn’t you just call me Arthur.” Arthur sighed. His eyes fluttered back to the faint bruises around Yao’s elbow.

“Sorry about what happened in the ward.” He coughed and settled down opposite the Asian. “I lost it.”

“I get it aru. Would lose my temper too if I were in your place.” Yao shrugged and propped his chin in his palms. “So, what brings you here, Arthur?”

The British man blushed and averted his gaze. “Well…that…I’m just going to reiterate that-”

“If I don’t keep a cautious watch on Jia Long, you’ll take back his custody?” Yao smirked.

“YES! I will! And I mean it!”

“Is that a way to repent yourself?”

Arthur glared at the grinning Chinese man. “Well, I can exert my right any time I wish. He belongs to me.”

“I think you have better things to worry about though, Commander.” Yao sat back and swung his legs on the table. Arthur scowled and clenched his fists. “Other than him, shouldn’t you be worrying about the massive loss of your soldiers? Someone did say so confidently the expedition would go right.”

“I didn’t realise those monsters would be so active during night-time!” Arthur protested. “Our vehicles’ noise attracted them.”

“You know those creatures are unpredictable aru.”

“Fine. My bad. I miscalculated. But in the next expedition, Leon will be following me instead.”

“Does he know this?” Yao asked.

“He has no choice in this matter.”

“Uh, uh, good luck with that.”

“So you aren’t opposing it?”

“Can I?” Yao stood up and leaned forward so that their faces were only a few inches apart. Arthur blushed immensely but refused to step down. Yao blinked. “Even if I were to voice my objection, you wouldn’t listen anyway. Let’s do it your way then if you think it helps.”

“I’m sorry.”

Yao furrowed his brows and stared hollowly at the British.

“You know I’ve never apologised during all these years. I owe you one.”

Yao studied the other man solemnly. “You love doing everything late, don’t you?”

“I was just trying to-”

“To help, but you failed. You failed miserably.” Yao pinpointed. “like the way I failed Anya, but worse. You held powers I didn’t. You were equipped, skilled. You had supplies. You had personnel. And yet, you still failed her. And your own son.”

“You don’t know how it’s still haunting me-”

“Of course I don’t. To think that I did warn her countless times not to mingle with you but she still insisted on confiding in you. That’s what angered me the most. And the guilt. You don’t know the guilt I felt when I handed her over to you. Even believed that you would protect her. But well, since you look so pathetic and everyone deserves a second chance, no, I won’t stop you from taking Jia Long but if you ever let him down again, I’ll finish you myself.”

The two stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. Neither moved an inch.

Eventually, Arthur mumbled, “I understand.”

“Good.”

“He deserves so much better.”

“I thought so.” Yao nodded.

* * *

Alfred grabbed another cheeseburger from the basket and took a huge bite of it. Matthew stared silently at his brother, not even bothering to stop him from attempting the tenth packet of fries he was consuming.

“Stupid, stupid Artie.” He kept muttering between his bites. “I did so well. So damn well. And all he could ever do is ask me to quit the army. Fuck it.”

“Alfred-”

“Don’t,” Alfred glared at his twin and took a swig of his coke. “interrupt me.” He gobbled up his burger and aimed for a box of nuggets. “Did you see the way he treated Leon? It’s the same way he treats us! Like we’re his commodities or something. Fuck that shit. He thinks he’s being honourable but nah, he’s such a hypocrite.”

After listening to his brother’s rants, Matthew sighed. “Alfred, have you ever thought about meeting her?”

“Huh?” Alfred raised his brows.

“You’re always talking about Dad. But I miss her. Kinda..” Matthew smiled and took a sip of his coffee.

“Who?”

“Our mother.”

“Oh her…” Alfred trailed off.

“Do you remember her face?”

“I don’t.”

“Well, can’t blame you. I don’t either.” Matthew mused. “I think she has blonde hair like us.”

“Dude, of course she has blond hair. It runs in the family!”

“Alfred!”

“Fine, fine. What do you wanna say about her?”

“I don’t know…I sort of pity her? The way Dad treated her?”

“They weren’t even in love. I remember them arguing. We were like five or six-ish? I dunno. But she didn’t pay much attention to us either.”

“I remember her singing us to sleep though. And her bedtime stories. Her long wavy hair. She always tied it into a bun. Always wore purple dress and red cloak.”

“I love her food. Because Artie’s scones seriously suck!” Alfred laughed and guzzled down his soda.

“Maybe we can see her someday?”

“I doubt she wanna have any association with us. She hates Artie. Everything about him. Including us.”

“I don’t think so. Uncle Francis always mentions that she misses us.”

“You’ve been seeing that perverted guy?!” Alfred dropped his bottle and stared wide-eyed at Matthew.

“He’s our uncle!”

“Yea but that doesn’t mean he’s not a pervert! Did he harass you?”

“Alfred! Cut it off!”

“What’s the deal with him anyway? Isn’t he, like, in the military police or something?”

“I bumped into him in the palace three weeks ago.”

“What did he say?”

“He didn’t say anything. He offered me a buffet.”

“WHAT?!” Alfred whined, waving his hands in the air. “NOT FAIR! I wanna go to the buffet too!”

“You caught a flu at that time.” Matthew giggled.

“You lucky bastard.”

“Keese~ What’re you guys talking about? Sounds like you’re having fun!” A sudden voice chirped in. An arm wrapped affectionately around Matthew’s shoulder. The blond sighed and scooted a little away from the annoying albino.

“You, I haven’t even shouted at you for getting us all into trouble last time!” Matthew pointed an accusing finger at Gilbert.

“You know you look hot when you’re flushing in anger~” Gilbert laughed.

Alfred rolled his eyes and munched on his burger.

“Shut up!” Matthew raised his voice to sound more assertive but to no avail. “That drinking incident got us all in Arthur’s office! And you slipped away while we had to get reprimanded and whipped!”

“WHIP! Oh dear! Did Commander Kirkland whip you! Come on, let me kiss your wounds~”

**_BANG!_ **

Matthew bit his lips. The frying pan he grabbed out of nowhere rang and tremble in his hands. Gilbert whimpered and held the lump on his head.

Alfred burst into laughter.

“That…is…so not awesome…man.” Gilbert feigned a sobbing noise and stared imploringly at Matthew, who only folded his arms and glared away.

“Anything you want me to do so that you can forgive me, honey?” The white-haired boy pursed his lips and slid closer to his boyfriend.

“Stay away from me!” Matthew pouted and shoved Gilbert’s face away.

“Oh come on! I promise you it won’t happen again! Serious!” Gilbert held up both his hands in defence.

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Alfred coughed. “Can you two get a room? I’m trying to concentrate on my meal here.”

“Alfred, that’s the twelfth McDonalds’ meal you’re devouring. Mind your weight, would you?” Matthew snorted.

“That hurts.” Alfred grimaced and took another slurp on his cola.

“I’m heading back to my dorm. It’s curfew time by the way. I DO NOT,” Matthew stood up and stared at Gilbert. “want to get unnecessary punishment because of some idiots’ faults again!”

“Matthew!!!!” Gilbert yelped and chased after the blond. “At least, don’t kick me out of the dorm?!”

“Don’t touch me!”

The two ran out of the canteen. Alfred shrugged and continued his meal until another person flopped down next to him.

“Go back to your dorm, Alfie.”

“Do not call me that.” Alfred replied coldly, his eyes never leaving the food on his tray.

“You need adequate rest to deal with the upcoming training.”

“Go away.” He snarled, still refusing to look Arthur in the eyes.

“So I’m not even allowed to check up on my own kid?”

“Cut the crap.” Alfred stood up and swept the tray off the table. “Stop pretending that you care. You’re disgusting enough to think that this will make you feel better.”

“Well, everything I do is for your sake.” Arthur growled. “And you’re being ungrateful!”

“Ungrateful?” Alfred laughed and wiped his mouth with his sleeve. “Me ungrateful? Oh man, what’ve you ever done for Mattie and me? Ask yourself.”

Arthur gaped at the boy in silence.

“I’ll just name a few.” Alfred chuckled. “All I remember was you snatching us away from our mother. Then you kept us in your house and neglected us most of the time. When you were there, you disciplined us. Told us to follow your orders, do this and that. I don’t remember you giving us anything but beatings and degrading criticisms. You didn’t once question our well-being until we fled home. No, that wasn’t our home. It was a prison.”

“Alfred…”

Alfred blinked and swallowed his tears. A grin re-appeared.

“Anyway, one can’t dwell much on the past. I’m glad Mattie and I left you that day. I’m glad we joined the Survey Corps and are finally doing something we deem meaningful. Well then, see ya.”

The blond jammed his hands into is pockets and spun around. He never turned back.

Alfred returned to his room with a full stomach. He began to regret having such an extravagant meal late at night. But eating kept his mind off sometimes. He needed better strategies to handle the stress.

Clutching his stomach, he dragged his heavy body back to their dorm. He halted in front of his room and sighed as soon as the moans reached his ears. Last time he barged in, he saw his brother naked and engaging in some sort of “indecent” activity with that albino. He scratched his neck and looked around, finally catching the light blond two rooms away.

“Hey! Hey!” He hailed and jogged towards Emil. His tummy throbbed.

Emil stared at the food crumbs on Alfred's mouth. His jaw dropped.

“You want to ask if you can sleep with us? NO.” Leon smirked from behind Emil.

“Stop sneaking up on me!” Emil croaked.

“Awwww, come on, I can’t just go back to my room. I wouldn’t even bother you unless it’s really REALLY REALLY necessary.” Alfred whined and peeped back at the room he normally shared with Mattie.

“Seriously, they’re, like, being kinda loud, aren’t they?” Leon whistled.

“That’s what you called angry sex.”

“Sounds scary.”

“Exactly. Now you understand my situation, eh?”

“No. We don’t invite any sleepover. We’ll get penalised.” Leon snickered. Emil shot him a come-on-don’t-be-so-miserly look.

“Can it be…” Alfred grinned slyly and examined the other two. “you two are also planning to…?”

“NO!” Emil nearly shrieked.

Leon sighed.

“I appreciate your fabulous imagination but no, not when I’m dealing with a broken arm.” Leon lifted his left arm wrapped in gypsum and laughed. “I don’t need my other arm broken as well.”

Emil smacked him upside the head.

“Plus, we’re not in that sort of relationship.” Emil clarified.

“Not yet.” Leon added.

Emil blushed.

“Okay, so I can come in then!” Alfred whooped. “I’ll bring snacks!”

“No! I don’t need any more cockroaches than there already are! This jerk here never cleans the room!” Emil grumbled.

“Ay, ay, I’m not made to do cleanings. I’m supposed to achieve something far greater.”

“I totally agree with ya, dude! A hero ain’t got time for cleaning!”

“You two stay in the corridor tonight then. Don’t come in.” Emil grunted and strutted back into his room. He was about to shut the door when Leon booted it open.

“Hey!”

“You’ll take the floor, I assume?” Leon turned to Alfred.

“What? No! I don’t sleep on the floor! NEVER!” The blond retorted.

“What a headache. You should go back and ask your brother to quiet down, maybe.”

“No! I’m staying with you guys. No other options. I don’t wanna walk in them having sex. I got scarred once and that’s enough.” Alfred defended and bounced onto the lower bunk.

“Wait- you can’t just-” Emil frowned but the blond was already tangling himself with the blankets.

Leon shut his eyes painfully. “My sheet…”

“It’s gonna smell burgers and fries now.” Emil teased.

“I don’t care. I’m sleeping with you.”

“But-”

“Or you take the floor.” Leon smirked and climbed up to the upper bunk agilely.

“This is unfair! I have no ‘say’ in this at all?” Emil yelled and climbed up with him. The single bed could hardly fit the two but they could squeeze together like satin fish for one night, probably.

“My arm is injured.” Leon stated nonchalantly.

“And I’m the hero. I deserve to have the entire bed to my own!” Alfred exclaimed.

“This is ridiculous.”

“Night, everyone!” Alfred shot his fist in the air and then started snoring right away.

“We haven’t even switched off the light.” Emil murmured.

“You go.” Leon slipped into the blanket and waved his hand.

“You jerk.”

The Icelandic snorted and reached for the switch.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So many family problems XD but well I'll include Francis later, I promise! Also the real twist hasn't happened yet :S Arthur isn't as bad as he looks. He has a secret he can't tell. By the way...should I keep rochu or iggychu here? Also, who should I ship Alfred with? I'm still trying to figure it out...Any suggestions? :D


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